Carry me home
by loosingletters
Summary: Because they deserve a thousand more words in which, at least, they know each other. HideKane One Shot collection.
1. Then you are the lucky one

**Welcome to my HideKane One Shot collection! Because I am too lazy to post each short OS alone, they will all go here. Everything from angst to happy coffee shop AU. Enjoy this first OS!**

 _"_ _And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one_ _"_

He couldn't see at all why everybody thought that being in love was great. Love promised you the world only to leave you with less than you had before. He got hurt over and over again and his heart would never stop aching.

 _"_ _'Cause most of us are bitter over someone_ _"_

He tried to ignore the smiling face the other made when he was with them. It was so unfair. He could still laugh and smile and be happy and Hide was left to return to a cold home every day. It's been ages since he had been as happy as the other appeared to be. He wanted to be happy again.

 _"_ _Setting fire to our insides for fun_ _"_

He burned old photos only to take them out of the fire again, burning his fingertips while he was at it. He didn't cry, stopped so long ago, and couldn't remember what it was like. Not being able to stand looking at the burned photos of smiling children he took out the box they came from and put them back in again.

 _"_ _To distract our hearts from ever missing them"_

He had done so much. He had finished university and had gotten himself a new job. Hide had even picked up new hobbies and rearranged his little apartment a few times before moving into a new one. He had picked up old contacts, talked to new people and went out to live again. He thought it had gotten better.

 _"_ _But I'm forever missing him."_

He walked through the streets. It was freezing, winter had come early this year. He stopped at a café and bought a coffee. It tasted a lot better than the instant one he had used to drink. He had gotten over the habit of buying bad coffee ages ago. And then. for just the split of a second, Hide thought he saw him. The roots of the white hair black again. He was taller than he remembered, looked older too. It hadn't even been a second but it was long enough to open all the old wounds again.

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this!  
The italics are lyrics from the song "Youth" by Daughter.**


	2. Focus

**Summary: He's aware of their staring, of the whispers, of the fingers pointing at him – but Hide has always been good on focusing only on Kaneki. "So, which book do you want to read again?" He asks and gets an answer only he can hear.**

Hide walks through the streets with more confidence than most people in his situation would, at least that's what he likes to believe. He's happily chatting with his companion, who in turn refuses to utter a single word as a means to get Hide to stop talking. It really makes the blonde wonder just what kind of person his friend thinks Hide is. After all these years of knowing each other, he should know that Hide doesn't really care about social norms when one of his loved ones is involved. Therefore he can ignore other people's staring, their whispering and the fingers they use to point at him, all while thinking that he isn't aware of them.  
But he is, he knows and all of those little things burn into his soul in a way that nothing else does. It is not because they bother him, he is good at shrugging stuff like that off, it is because all the little things those actions imply.

 _Crazy_ , is what they call him.

 _You don't exist_ , is what they say to Kaneki.

It is that second meaning that makes Hide want to rage, the one that actually hurts him. Isn't the black haired boy already punished enough in his own existence?  
Spending everyday watching life happen around him while he is forced to walk on this earth as a bitter reminder of death's nature, unable to interact with anyone, anything besides Hide?  
That day, that _ghoul_ , took everything from Kaneki, not just simply his body and his life. Everything would be so much easier had it been just that but death has left Kaneki with less. Even if he insists that it's not that bad, Hide can see every tear Kaneki refuses to cry.  
That is the reason why Hide believes his friend is suffering enough already and therefore he won't ignore him or ever deny his existence. Hide is possibly the only thing keeping Kaneki sane in a world deprived of every sense but sound. He doesn't quite know what their lives will look like in a few months or even years but he knows he won't leave Kaneki alone. He's always been good at focusing only on Kaneki, on his every move and expression, every word and every feeling. He can block out the rest of the world entirely if he can keep that fragile existence of the other boy. He loves him and will stick to Kaneki, even if his appearance is nothing more than Hide's own insanity to other people.

"So, which book do you want to read again?" He asks, his voice not sounding any different from all the times he has asked Kaneki before his death.

And as always he receives an answer only he can hear – not because of the lack of volume like it used to be, but because it doesn't exist to others.  
Hide doesn't' care either way when he Kaneki smiles at him tiredly but still happier than he had since his death.


	3. Let's play pretend

**Summary: Let's play pretend, you're just a man and this house is our chosen home. We're fine and we're okay, sit under this tree and play pretend with me.**

The house is pretty, not too big and not too small for the two of us. The front is white and a fence of the same color surrounds our home and its garden. You were the one to plant the flowers, in no real order too. You just wanted to be able to look at various colors through the whole year, a smile always claiming your face. I can't name more than five variations but I know that there are at least twenty different kinds.

We're sitting below our huge tree, our initials carved into the old bark. I remember you rolling your eyes at me after I presented you the crooked heart. You asked me if I were a teenager in love and not a grown man. I pouted, pretended to be disappointed that you didn't appreciate my hard work. You laughed slightly, happiness radiating off you, before kissing me on the cheek. Then it was my turn to ask you if you were a teenager, which had you laughing again. It was a nice and sunny winter day too, just like today.

Except that now we are cuddling below our red picnic blanket, enjoying each others' warmth. You are leaning on me, asleep already. It had been quite the busy day at Anteiku, more customers than usual coming in and demanding your delicious coffee. Usually you would have made one after work for me now because we both know I suck at making coffee. You had gone into the kitchen already but I stopped you because you looked _de-_ because you looked so tired. I admit, the one I made for us then can't even hope to compete with yours but it's a start, right? Maybe I'll figure out how to make good coffee one day.

But you drank it without any comment anyway and then you fell asleep. The way you lean on me is a little uncomfortable but I don't want to wake you up, you deserve your rest after all.

Watching you sleep kind of makes me want to sleep now too. But I can't, not until Touka-chan comes to pick us up for game night. I stretch and it stings a little, I probably sat too long. Although I keep fighting the fatigue, it's getting harder and harder to not just simply close my eyes. To make it worse, whenever I blink the white front of our beautiful home seems to flake off, exposing a ramshackle building. The garden we love so much slowly disappears, green traded for the grey of asphalt. Our big tree shrinks in size, the trunk of it getting smaller and smaller until it is reduced to a lamppost. I rub my eyes, try to bring back the image of our safe home but I can't. Not when the blanket that's supposed to warm us, is made out of our own blood.

"I love you", I say. It's the only thing that has never been play pretend.

Unlike your warm hand, which I'm holding.

Actually it has been cold for quite some time now.


	4. Dresses were made to fight in

**Title: Dresses were made to fight in  
Summary: Kaneki Ken didn't want to be a magical girl, thank you very much. But since he got dragged into the fight against Kakuja anyway, he might as well do his best.  
AN: I started writing this but will probably never finish it. If anybody wants to adopt this, message me. Based on Puella Magi Madoka Magica but well, with changes. Warning for cheesy magical girl lines ft. actually sad stuff.**

"Darkness that torments a soul, with the power of the _Hanged Man_ you shall disappear. Tarot - set them free!"

It surprised Kaneki again and again how strong his voice sounded, the power of his card taking over his body. It felt a little bit like being made into a puppet, and if that wasn't the most fitting description of being a Magical Girl then he didn't know. As soon as accepted by a _Card_ , no matter the form they currently inhabited, you were forced to fight. Undergo the painful transformation that felt like being set aflame and burn and burn until the fire is nearly consuming you - and then, suddenly, it disappears and you're left feeling terrible cold on the outside while on the inside you are still nearly dying of the heat.

And there was no time to recover, the fight with a _Kakuja_ ahead and those beasts certainly wouldn't wait with sinking their claws into your body and tearing you apart. Just moments ago he had watched one of the Magical Boys of the Clowns lose to a Kakuja - it hadn't been so pretty. Taking it down was difficult, it was a very quick one this time. It shoots spikes like a bow would shoot arrows, nearly hitting Kaneki a few times. But since he heavily relied on speed, he could avoid any critical hits. Quickly his rapier slashed across the armored body of the Kakuja. Black blood spilled and relief washed over Kaneki when he realized that the Kakuja stayed down, which only left him with _cleaning_ it.

The _Hanged Man's cleaning_ consisted of a, in his opinion, idiotic recitation, just like all cleanings, and a final stab in the left eye - that was the Hanged Man's ritual.

Kaneki watched the Kakuja's body collapse and the blood leaking out of its left eye hardening. Sometimes he wondered what happened to the body of a dead Kakuja but he couldn't really bring himself to care. Not when he was tired and injured. He picked up the black crystal it left behind, - and wasn't it sad that such a pretty stone belonged to such a vile creature? - and brought the crystal to the handle of his rapier. It absorbed the black stone and Kaneki could feel the weapon getting stronger. He hadn't been in this Magical Girl business for very long, but he knew that the more Kakuja you slew, the stronger your weapon and so you became. The more he fought the less likely he was to die.

"It's over there!"

The black haired man cursed and searched for the nearest escape route. Of course the CCK was already on the way. The Clown had to have been fighting the Kakuja for some time, there was no way they hadn't noticed it. Kaneki wanted to at least take the Clown's weapon, not let it end up in the hands of that organization. The moment he grabbed the dagger lying next to the half devoured Clown, the investigators came around the corner. But before they could use their black weapons on him, he ran away as fast as he could. Climbed up fire escape stairs to reach the roofs of houses and made his exit.


	5. It would be easier

**Title: It would be easier  
Summary: Everything would be easier for Hide if Kaneki would be dating somebody, or at least were straight.  
AN: Because being in love with your best friend sucks. Takes place when they are about 16.**

Nobody had ever told Hide how painful love could be. It was always ' _being in love is amazing!_ ' and about forty million movies underlining that message. But Hide couldn't think of anything worse than that awful, terrible, horrible, disgusting little thing called love. It made you sick, stupid, unobservant and so blind. No, had the blonde known of love's terrible nature he would have tried to avoid it. But love really did take you by storm, right?

So one hot summer afternoon while laying in the grass and watching Kaneki read, it finally dawned upon the teenager. He was in love. He was in love with Kaneki Ken, his best friend and the most amazing person to ever exist. What followed was neither him coming to terms that he might be gayer than he had previously thought or proclaiming his undying love. No, Hide pinched himself to test if this wasn't a dream and he if could wake up from it. Hide didn't want to be in love with anybody and especially not with his best friend. He knew it would only cause problems. Then again, he had always loved to solve those.

The blonde rested his head on his desk and stared out of his window, observing Tokyo at night and recalling the events of the past days. Tokyo was a very bright city, even at night it was never truly dark. Definitely something that was to Kaneki's liking. He was a little bit afraid of the dark and he couldn't read in it too. Annoyed that his thoughts had wandered to the black haired teen again, Hide decided to go to sleep. At least in his dreams he would be able to escape the reality of being in love.

He was wrong.

The misery continued, he had no rest at all. He could only think about Kaneki and it stressed him to no end. He didn't want to be in love, it only caused pain and he didn't want that! It wasn't fair, he decided. Especially since he had it even harder than most others. For one, because Kaneki was his best friend and - now that was the really mean part - Kaneki was bi and not dating anybody at all. If there was at least somebody in the other's life, Hide could have just pushed those stupid feelings away, telling himself there was no way it would ever work out. But since there wasn't, that tiny voice in the back of his head gave him a spark of hope. Maybe there could be something, maybe Kaneki also loved him- Hide imagined kicking those ideas. Hard. Preferably with steel-toed boots.

"Hide? Are you alright?" Kaneki asked, his voice calm but with a hint of worry.

"Yeah, sure! Why are you asking?"

The black haired boy put his book away and frowned.

"You are crying."

 _That's your fault_ , he wanted to say. Instead he just smiled and wiped the tears away.


	6. Ruining coffee

**Title: Ruining coffee  
Summary: You can only go through so much college stress before you end up in a café mixing coffee, monster and rockstar. The waiter with the grey eyes was a bonus, really.**

Hide wasn't exactly sure when he had last slept more than two hours for one night. He was writing one essay after another, a due project here, club activities there and so many exams. Hide was to ninety percent sure he was actually a zombie by now and not a human anymore. At least he still managed to go to Kamii, then to a café and back home again without fainting. Currently he had arrived at the second destination.

He sat down on the nearest chair at an empty table. Hide took a few books, his pencil case and a notebook out of his bag and opened them at the pages that contained his last notes and next learning material. At this hour Anteiku was really empty and he enjoyed the peace. It was easier to study here than at Kamii or at home. He couldn't really explain why, it was just like that. After he had gotten himself set, a waiter walked over to him.

"Hello, what can I get you?" The black haired man asked. He looked as if he was about Hide's age and also kind of familiar. Did they go to the same college? Although Hide was sure he would have noticed if somebody with an eye patch ran around on campus. It was probably his fatigue making stuff up.

"Eh- just black coffee, please. In a big cup if it's possible."

The other's gaze lingered on Hide as if he was searching for something. Then he shook his head and went to get Hide's orders. While the blonde waited for his coffee he took two other drinks out of his bag. He still had to learn for two exams coming up this week and sleep would just be a hindrance. He needed all the energy he could get and two sports drinks coupled with the nectar that was Anteiku's coffee, it sure would let him stay up. As soon as he got his coffee, he mixed it with the other two beverages. It tasted like shit but it did its job so Hide wouldn't abandon his magic potion to no tiredness any time soon. In his book he circled a word he deemed important and added another point to the list of stuff he had to look up later.

"Are you okay?"

Hide looked up from his book, now about twenty pages further, and stared directly in the waiter's grey eye.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you are okay. You just drunk a mix of our coffee, monster and rockstar and I'm pretty sure healthy, unstressed people don't do that," the man explained.

Hide managed to smile for the man, which was more exhausting than expected. "Yeah, just college."

The other nodded and sat down on the chair next to Hide, taking a look at his book. Hide stared in awe as with every passing minute the man took over more and more of Hide's book, flipping page after page at a speed the blonde hadn't even known was possible. They stayed like that for about ten minutes probably, maybe even longer. Hide had stopped admiring how fast he could read and was now admiring the man's face. He looked tired, he had eye bags of the size of Tokyo and his hair was a bit too messy for just a stressful day at work. He was very pale too and a bit too thin - was he eating enough? Then again, Hide probably looked similar although the waiter had an aura of nervousness around him that got less and less the longer he sat there. Was he calming down? Forgetting about the outside world? Hide didn't have the heart to ask him for the book he did need for learning.

"Oi, Kaneki. You're not supposed to go bother customers."

The black haired man, Kaneki as Hide knew now, snapped out of the peace he seemed to have found while reading. The blonde really felt like hitting the other waiter who had ruined the peace.

"Ah-, I'm sorry. I- uh- just wanted to look over what you are learning. I already did that when I attended Kamii and uhm- I can give you my old notes if you want", Kaneki apologized, an adorably red blush forming on his cheeks.

"It's fine and that would be really amazing!"

Kaneki smiled slightly. Weird. Weren't smiles supposed to be full of joy instead of pain?

"No problem. I don't need them anymore. Just don't go ruining my coffee with those horrors again

"Promise", Hide said and he meant it.


	7. I need a fiancé

**Title: I need a fiancé  
Summary: Hide came over unannounced rather often but usually he didn't ask Haise to marry him. Then again it wasn't often that Hide's parents wanted to meet up with their son.  
AN: Ft. ****_Haise_** **and not Kaneki.**

"Haise, will you marry me?!"

The white-black haired man blinked a few times, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and still not really awake. It took him a whole minute before he realized that it was his friend who stood in front of him. The other man looked quite desperate, his face completely pale. Haise just nodded - it wasn't like he hadn't thought about dating Hide, marrying and settling down in a small house since he was like sixteen and crushing on him - after all the other was on his doorstep rather often with weird questions. While it kind of hurt, Haise couldn't blame the other. He didn't know how much he was playing with the others feeling with such a simple sentence.

"Come inside first, you dork," Haise told Hide and stepped aside.

Hide followed him inside and as always sat down on the kitchen counter while Haise started to make coffee for the both of them. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw how nervous Hide was, rubbing his hands all the time and playing with his keys. They didn't exchange any words, and Haise frowned. Usually Hide had covered about forty different topics by now. He grabbed two cups from the shelve - a yellow one with a blue smiley doodled on it and a white one with a big heart print - and soon the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the small apartment.

"Okay, so what is going on?" Haise asked and gave Hide his cup of coffee.

"My parents are coming over next weekend and I told my dad I am engaged because he wanted to introduce me to yet another daughter of some rich guy so I was like _I'm already engaged sucks to be you_ and now he and mom want to meet my fiancé and I don't know what to do!"

Hide seemed to be just about to start hyperventilating. Haise cursed silently and pulled the other into a hug. After years of having been friends, Haise had figured out that a simple, warm hug was the best thing to calm him down. Hide usually was a cheerful person, always up for everything, smiling brightly, coming into your life and never leaving again. It was rare to see Hide anything but happy, half because he really was a cheerful person and half because he was good at hiding it. Haise didn't know a lot about Hide's relationship with his parents beside that his mother was busy with her acting and that his father was absent very often and didn't agree with most of Hide's life choices, like becoming a florist. A very cold and controlling man that saw his son as a tool to merge his company with a rival's one.

"So you need me to pretend to be your fiancé?", Haise asked when the blonde had calmed down.

"Y-yes? I mean, you don't have to, I don't know who else to ask and-"

"It's fine Hide, I will be your fiancé as long as your parents are here."

"Really?"

"Really."

He didn't say that he would do everything for Hide. That was a secret he would keep to himself for a little longer.


	8. A knack for ghouls

**Summary: If Hide could help it, Kaneki wouldn't be meeting any other ghouls. Sadly his friend didn't really care.  
** **For** ** _Ghoul!Hide week Day 1:_** ** _Hea_** ** _r_** ** _ing_** ** _/ Meetings_** **on Tumblr! This is mostly just friendship/humor.** **Also sassy Kaneki bc yes.**

By the time Hide finally got out of his lecture, Kaneki was already sitting on the steps leading into the university, a book on his lap and waiting for Hide. Seeing that his black haired friend was absorbed in his book, Hide decided to announce his arrival loudly. He jumped forward, only barely holding himself back from pouring his full strength into it, and landed precisely behind Kaneki.

"Hey, buddy!" The blonde shouted but instead of the desired high pitch scream that hurt his ears and would put even the best opera singer to shame, he only got a slight flinch and a blank stare.

"Really?" He asked disappointed. "Nothing?"

"No. Sorry to hurt your ego," Kaneki answered while he stashed his book in his backpack and stood up. "Are you ready then?"

Hide sighed. "You're too cold, man. My poor heart is suffering."

"I'm sure your heart can deal with it," Kaneki answered, an overly cheerful smile on his face which looked so out of place that Hide actually got scared.

"You okay, Kaneki? That smile is a bit-"

"I've been sitting here for nearly _an hour_ , Hide. An hour in which you didn't answer even one text and I've been more than just a bit worried because just this morning you told me more doves were seen in this ward and you might go after them. And then you don't answer any texts all day long! So, _please_ , excuse me if-"

"Alright, _alright_! I got it, you were worried!" Hide interrupted his now very distressed appearing friend. The blonde hold his hands in front of himself as to appear placating - or be able to push Kaneki off him should he decide to try to punch him. As much as Hide appreciated that Kaneki worried about him, the ghoul was sure that all these gruesome books Kaneki read made him fall into worry while imagining the worst case way too easily. "I'm sorry I didn't react to your messages, my phone is dead. I'll treat you to some amendment coffee, okay?"

That seemed to do the trick as Kaneki took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah, fine, okay. Espresso your feeling of guilt. I choose the café though."

Ignoring Kaneki's horrible pun - really, that was an incredible terrible one even by Hide's low standards - he agreed and side by side they walked off campus.  
They talked about everything on their minds, avoiding only the topic of Hide's diet. It was in moments like these that Hide realized how much Kaneki had changed in the past year. Getting involved with the ghoul parts of Hide's life had altered Kaneki in a way the blonde hadn't expected. Whenever he had imagined Kaneki figuring it out, it had ended in bloodshed. Hide had known it was unavoidable for Kaneki to get involved at one point; the human had a knack for running into ghouls. The day on which Hide would have to reveal his identity to protect Kaneki had always been just a matter of time. Then it had happened and Kaneki had freaked out. Not about the ghoul thing though, more about _the_ _oh god, you have a whole in your abdomen Hide, how could you be so stupid_ thing. The ghoul had expected that Kaneki would push him away at best, run to the CCG at worst. That they would stay friends and Kaneki would try his best to support him had never come to Hide's mind.  
His friend had opened up, started to spar with Hide - more like be taught how to run away from a bloodthirsty ghoul - and even went to the CCG to learn how they handle ghouls and how to use it to their own advantage.  
So all in all Kaneki was the best damn friend Hide could have made and he was so, so glad he had met Kaneki.

"We're here, Hide."

Kaneki's words tore Hide out of his thoughts. He hasn't really looked where they were going, had only followed Kaneki.  
They were standing in a nice café. It felt safe and-

Oh no.

"I've been here a few times already," Kaneki mused while looking at the carte. "It's a nice place, not too far from campus too."

Oh, _god_ , no.

This was just terrible. Out of all places- And Kaneki had been here on his own? It must have caused so much chaos the black haired man had been entirely unaware of.

"Kaneki, how about we go again-"

"Nii-san!"

Hide watched in horror as a short brown haired girl, Fueguchi Hinami he recalled her name, came running towards them and immediately hugged Kaneki.

"Hey, Hinami. How are you?"

"Good!" The girl answers cheerfully. "I already read all the books you gave me!"

"You did? I'll bring you some new ones next time then."

Kaneki smiled at her and Hide felt like he had missed out quite a lot. Like, a life changing amount of what he could only classify with _what the actual fuck_ right now.

"Kaneki, what-"

"When," Kaneki interrupted Hide, "where you doing to tell me that there is an entire café managed by peaceful ghouls? Because the first time I went here, I nearly had a heart attack and the only reason Touka-chan didn't bash my head in is because I was wearing the jacket I'd borrowed from you."

"Uuh-" Hide awkwardly scratched the back of his head, trying to think of a way to get out of this situation. "Aren't you supposed to introduce your family after the tenth date?"

" _Hide_!"

 **I think I might write more for this AU? Idk, it's kinda fun (also I love sassy Kaneki so. yes.)**


End file.
